Life Changes

[AGDee]

Early in my career, I changed jobs every few years. My fourth job was for 6 years and then I changed careers completely and have been at this job, since changing careers, for over 10 years. I know that I'm burned out on this job and I know that I've outgrown this job. Since starting grad school, I'm hearing about how many other opportunities there are out there for me. I've applied for a few jobs with one company that is hiring 1200 IT people in the Detroit area. I am both totally excited at the prospect of doing something more suited to the Master's degree that I'm pursuing and totally terrified at the idea of starting somewhere new. My department has been so good to me and I know I am valued there but I also know it's time to try to move forward with my career. This is a scary and exciting life change all at once.

[KSUViolet06]

I've got a life change too:

I'm applying to another grad program (most of you knew that), but I'm headed into a TOTALLY different career field. Crazy.

[When Doves Cry]

My life changes are more common.
I graduated college in May 2010, found a full-time job 2 weeks and 7 interviews later, and have done many "grown-up" things in the last 4 months! In a few weeks, I'm moving out on my own

[Jobellesis]

My mother died. Two years later my husband died. I sold my house a year after my husband's death and bought a small farm and a tractor in another county to be near my daughter. My brother, the contractor, built me a new house and this summer I became a grandmother. I think I must have lost at least 5 years of my life due to sadness and stress. On a positive note,the last few months have been better. Although, I will always feel the loss of my husband, the farm is beautiful and peaceful and the grandbaby is wonderful.

[honeychile]

^^Your attitude is wonderful - I hope I can feel the same very, very soon!

[AGDee]

I don't know if this will feel helpful, honeychile, but my mom passed away 3 years ago after a very long battle with COPD. The last two years of her life were extremely stressful with hospitalizations and problems with care givers and the trauma of watching her dying very, very slowly. It was excruciating to watch her suffer and my whole life revolved around trying to take care of both of our households, meals for her, shopping for her and trying to be with her as much as I could while working and being a single mom. Her last coherent words to me were "You need to live your life now". I have to say that the first year, I didn't know if I would ever feel "normal" again. The second year was easier. The third anniversary of her passing was difficult, but I did work that day. I shed some tears but I can say that, most of the time, the raw pain that I initially felt has faded into sorrow mixed with happy memories. So, I may get misty eyed at times when thinking about her and missing her, but that rawness has healed and I do feel like I've returned to "normal". And, per her wishes, I'm living my life as best I can and hope that she is looking down and watching me proudly.. and knows that SHE is the reason that I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I see so much of her influence alive in my children, in their interests that she nurtured and in their attitudes toward life. She will never be gone because she was responsible for so much of who I am and who my kids are turning out to be.

Time does heal these wounds but as my friends are also losing parents in this phase of life, we all agree that this phase of life sucks. We really preferred the "getting married/having babies" phase.

[Jobellesis]

Honeychile,

My attitude isn't really all that wonderful. I've just had some time to grieve. There's not a day that goes by that I don't want my husband or mother back. Mama's been gone 4 1/2 years and Kenny, 2 1/2 years, so the grief isn't fresh, just constant. Mama's death was horrible, but Kenny's was absolutely devastating. I can regress at any time into utter despair, although it doesn't last as long as it did at first. I just can't explain how life changing losing your spouse can be. My daughter lost her dad and really her mom, too, for a while. I wasn't all there for two whole years, and I'm sure she thought I wasn't there for her.

I'll never be the same person I was before my husband died. I wish I could. I miss that person as much as I miss Kenny and Mama. I do see little glimpses of the old me now and then, so that is good. I'm slowly moving forward, which is really the only option I have! I've been fighting it tooth and nail though. The past is a wonderful place that seems too magical to have ever been real. I want to go there everyday. Not gonna happen is it? No.

I hope you can find some peace soon, Honeychile, and I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother.

[AZTheta]

"to live in this world
you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones knowing
your very life depends upon it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go."

Mary Oliver

Jobellesis and Honey,
these words have brought me much comfort when I have had the losses that come with the human experience, and I share them with you and with those who are suffering. I send you deep peace and blessings.

[PhoenixAzul]

Damn, Honeychile I wish I would have read this post sooner! I actually really could use some house things and my brother and SIL live in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Dangit.

Actually, the reason I need said housewares is because of a big life change. After two long, tiring, anxiety filled years of looking, I've been offered a professional position in my field in a wonderful institution. The problem? It is in Oklahoma. OK, so that's not such a big problem, but my husband's job in Pittsburgh is too good to leave, and he loves it. This opportunity is too good for me to pass up, especially as an emerging professional. So we are doing a long-distance marriage. He'll work from OK one week a month, but that's it. And it kills me. Having to have that conversation with him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. I've never heard him cry like that. I've never felt worse in my life. It honestly was the worst thing I've ever had to do. And now when we talk about what I'm taking to OK, it's like we're getting divorced. But the thing is, we're awesome together. We're perfect for each other. I love him even more now than I ever did before. I just don't know how this whole thing is going to go down. Ugh.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Damn, Honeychile I wish I would have read this post sooner! I actually really could use some house things and my brother and SIL live in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Dangit.

Actually, the reason I need said housewares is because of a big life change. After two long, tiring, anxiety filled years of looking, I've been offered a professional position in my field in a wonderful institution. The problem? It is in Oklahoma. OK, so that's not such a big problem, but my husband's job in Pittsburgh is too good to leave, and he loves it. This opportunity is too good for me to pass up, especially as an emerging professional. So we are doing a long-distance marriage. He'll work from OK one week a month, but that's it. And it kills me. Having to have that conversation with him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. I've never heard him cry like that. I've never felt worse in my life. It honestly was the worst thing I've ever had to do. And now when we talk about what I'm taking to OK, it's like we're getting divorced. But the thing is, we're awesome together. We're perfect for each other. I love him even more now than I ever did before. I just don't know how this whole thing is going to go down. Ugh.

I'm sorry you guys have to make that decision.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Damn, Honeychile I wish I would have read this post sooner! I actually really could use some house things and my brother and SIL live in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Dangit.

Actually, the reason I need said housewares is because of a big life change. After two long, tiring, anxiety filled years of looking, I've been offered a professional position in my field in a wonderful institution. The problem? It is in Oklahoma. OK, so that's not such a big problem, but my husband's job in Pittsburgh is too good to leave, and he loves it. This opportunity is too good for me to pass up, especially as an emerging professional. So we are doing a long-distance marriage. He'll work from OK one week a month, but that's it. And it kills me. Having to have that conversation with him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. I've never heard him cry like that. I've never felt worse in my life. It honestly was the worst thing I've ever had to do. And now when we talk about what I'm taking to OK, it's like we're getting divorced. But the thing is, we're awesome together. We're perfect for each other. I love him even more now than I ever did before. I just don't know how this whole thing is going to go down. Ugh.

That is truly heart breaking.

[ramsey]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Damn, Honeychile I wish I would have read this post sooner! I actually really could use some house things and my brother and SIL live in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Dangit.

Actually, the reason I need said housewares is because of a big life change. After two long, tiring, anxiety filled years of looking, I've been offered a professional position in my field in a wonderful institution. The problem? It is in Oklahoma. OK, so that's not such a big problem, but my husband's job in Pittsburgh is too good to leave, and he loves it. This opportunity is too good for me to pass up, especially as an emerging professional. So we are doing a long-distance marriage. He'll work from OK one week a month, but that's it. And it kills me. Having to have that conversation with him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. I've never heard him cry like that. I've never felt worse in my life. It honestly was the worst thing I've ever had to do. And now when we talk about what I'm taking to OK, it's like we're getting divorced. But the thing is, we're awesome together. We're perfect for each other. I love him even more now than I ever did before. I just don't know how this whole thing is going to go down. Ugh.

Yeah, I'll address the big elephant in the room.

I hope for the sake of your marriage, that you guys figure out another solution. Even military families have a "come home" date to look forward to by knowing there is eventually an end date. I was in a LD relationship for 3 years while we dated. There's no way I would subject my marriage to something like this. No company, mine or his, would be worth the heartache that would come as a result of this kind of situation. I'm sorry for you, but I'm more sorry that one of you isn't willing to sacrifice for the other. Haven't you ever seen the Die Hard Movies? Hah!

And yes, I've been in your shoes, though not quite as drastic. My husband left his job to follow me 150 miles away so that I could pursue my dream. He ended up unemployed for over a year as a result of following me, but we wouldn't have had it any other way. We needed to be together to keep our marriage in tact.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Damn, Honeychile I wish I would have read this post sooner! I actually really could use some house things and my brother and SIL live in the south hills of Pittsburgh. Dangit.

Actually, the reason I need said housewares is because of a big life change. After two long, tiring, anxiety filled years of looking, I've been offered a professional position in my field in a wonderful institution. The problem? It is in Oklahoma. OK, so that's not such a big problem, but my husband's job in Pittsburgh is too good to leave, and he loves it. This opportunity is too good for me to pass up, especially as an emerging professional. So we are doing a long-distance marriage. He'll work from OK one week a month, but that's it. And it kills me. Having to have that conversation with him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever done. I've never heard him cry like that. I've never felt worse in my life. It honestly was the worst thing I've ever had to do. And now when we talk about what I'm taking to OK, it's like we're getting divorced. But the thing is, we're awesome together. We're perfect for each other. I love him even more now than I ever did before. I just don't know how this whole thing is going to go down. Ugh.

PhoenixAzul, friends of mine do this, and they say that it made their marriage stronger. Hope yours works out the same way!

What are you looking for? Even though the estate agent was paid to take everything away, the people put it in the front & back yards instead! We're calling the Salvation Army & Gooodwill in the morning, but there are sofas, loveseats, books, dishes, etc. It's a mess, and I'm exhausted from cleaning it up! Let me know if you'd like the address, to do a little clearing away!